Arab Premier League

After the United Kingdom exited the European Union, they’ve been looking for any new allies they can find. So maybe allowing the Arabs to enter the English league is all about the UK trying to join the Arab League.

Boris needs to realise that’s not actually a football league? We should now brace ourselves for a number of nominal changes up at Newcastle. Just as the City of Manchester Stadium was renamed to the Etihad Stadium, many expect that St James' Park Stadium will be changed to a new name.

And what is more in keeping with the traditional history of Newcastle upon Tyne than renaming the football stadium something like Saint Bin Salman Stadium as soon as possible? Or maybe they’ll play it more cleverly: how about renaming it the Khashoggi Stadium? Don’t knock it! This could focus football minds, by serving as a sobering reminder of what could happen to naughty players!

And the team could make other owner-appropriate changes, like altering its nickname to the Magpies to the camels, and filling the stadium with sand dunes. And why stop there? Under the name of Saudi Arabia's Public Investment Fund, the Saudi Crown Prince could get the Newcastle Camels to join the Man City Emirati to boycott Qatar Investment Authority owned Paris Saint-Germain at the UEFA Champions League!

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